Sunday, April 16, 2006

Body Language #1: Army

The British Army used to have an officer recruitment advert on TV, where we see a situation literally from an ‘officer’s eyeview’. We’re in a desert in Africa, or somewhere hot like that, and we see a derelict well guarded by some warlord or other, threatening us with a Kalashnikov. A title fades up saying something like ‘You need access to this warlord’s water supply, what are you going to do?’ The warlord gets cross and starts shouting and pointing the gun directly at us. Then the officer’s hand reaches up and removes a pair of dark sunglasses from his face, that is, the camera. The warlord instantly calms down and welcomes us to the water supply. Another title appears saying something like ‘Army officers understand that making eye contact gets the best out of people’, but I can’t remember the exact words. Then you get the number to ring if you want to go and take the King’s shilling , or whatever they give you these days when you join up.

Anyway, I was reminded of all this because today there was a woman who wanted access to my wine supply, her inability to make even fleeting eye contact with me seemed like the actions of an aggressor, but luckily my musket was in an inconvenient spot on the wall above the fireplace. So she lived. This time.

Such is the life of this barman.

Other random comments on the world today:

Horrah for Doctor fantastic Who, and Booo to Harry bloody Potter. In the article from the Telegraph, we hear that some foreign models "read them [Harry Potter] to improve their English, they are very good for that." I agree that Rowling is adequate for practicing a foreign language, but that is all I'd ever read her for. (Please excuse my curmudgeonliness, I have a searing hate of the whole Potter phenomena, and it needs to be vented occasionally. Thank-you).

Finally, horrah for this old curmudgeon, who finally had his way with the pub that banned him - he just bought the place and set it to rights. I like.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Watch the skies

The jets are up to something, I’m telling you. Today my gaze was drawn skyward by the unmissable sight of four airliners in convoy formation. While I can accept that my perspective may have been distorted by the thousands of feet separating me from them, I am sure the conniving buggers were actually doing some sly nose-to-tail aerobatics.

Any air traffic controllers reading this? What are you playing at?